Lock your sons and daughters away – it’s National Orgasm Day. No doubt you’ve got plans to, erm, dabble in a bit of the old hanky panky and celebrate in style, but before you go racing off with your pants around your ankles – Stop! We need a quick check-up to make sure you’re well equipped.

Do you eat meat?

Yes – whoa there, you could be holding your manhood back from ‘his’ full potential. My prescription is to ditch the meat and get back on the wagon with renewed enthusiasm. Did you know that high cholesterol, obesity, diabetes, prostate cancers or inflammations, and hormonal imbalances cause the vast majority of all cases of impotence? And did you know that all the symptoms mentioned above are aggravated by a meat based diet?

No – Nice one, you’re gonna be having a wild party tonight! Vegetarians are about one-ninth as likely as meat-eaters to be overweight and report that they need less sleep and have more energy than meat-eaters. I don’t think I need to point out the bedroom benefits of that! For a foray of vegan aphrodisiacs, munch on some bananas, asparagus, chilli peppers and chocolate today (not all together, of course. Unless you’re Very adventurous).

Did you hear the one about birds having regional accents? Sounds funny, but it’s no joke. If you need any further proof that birds have personality, intelligence and aren’t just flapping vegetables, studies have shown that birds have dialects and cultural differences depending on where they’re from.

Before you head off to read ‘the science bit’, here’s what would you’d hear if you eavesdropped on a British birds’ conversation:

Essex bird (geddit?): Oi mate! Gimme summa those nuts, innit.
Scottish bird: Aye, keep your hat on wee lass, I dinnae hear ye the first time.
Newcastle bird: Ay, ay, camm down, camm down.
Welsh bird: Ah dew dew, gimme some of them nuts butt or I’ll peck ew eyes out.
London bird: Cor blimey guvnor, keep your Alan Whickers on. This meet-up has gone a bit Pete Tong. I’m buggering off daaan the pub to get mi own nuts.

Ahhh, the mind wanders…

Tonight is the London premiere of X-Files: I Want to Believe - eek! If you’re as excited as I am, you’ll already be bugging your friends and families with dramatic renditions of “The truth is out there” quotes, with mysterious eyebrow raising and chin scratching. Yes, I’m an X-Files geek, and proud of it.

The new film reunites two of our longtime favourite advocates for animals: Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny.

Gillian is an absolute star for animals; speaking up for bulls in Nevada and elephants in Chicago. Also in 2005, after Covance tried to stop PETA from showing footage in which the lab was torturing animals, Gillian put the videos up on her own site - and PETA won the suit to screen the footage. Ha! And to thank Gillian for her amazing commitment to helping animals, she won PETA’s Humanitarian Award in 2006. And David’s a great animal friend too. In 1996, David signed PETA US’ “Get Gillette Off the Set” petition, which led to one of their greatest victories against animal testing.

We love what David and Gillian have done for animals, and we can’t wait to see the new film. Bring it on!

Image: Idolator / CC

If the past few days have been anything to go by, anyone would think summer is here. That’s right – finally. So, make the most of the gorgeous sunshine, high temperatures and good spirit and get a BBQ going with your friends and family. To ensure it goes as best as can be, follow these tips on an illness and hassle-free day:

• If there’s one thing you take from this, ditch the meat and opt for veggies and faux-meats. You don’t want to end with your head down the toilet all night (and let’s face it, the Food Standards Agency said it all with that classic ‘When will I see you again’ pork TV ad they did, remember that?)

• If you are cooking up a plateful of meat, be sure to invite a doctor. You never know who might fall prey to food poisoning (again, the FSA says it all). Don’t forget that with all that saturated fat and cancer-causing slop being consumed, heart attacks and other nasty issues could arise at any moment.

• Soya sausages, ‘chicken‘ fillets and veggie burgers make great BBQ food, but why not spice things up a bit with some sweet-chilli glazed tofu and veg skewered kebobs? Oh and don’t forget lashings of ketchup and supply of beverages!

• Invite some of your meataholic friends (if you’re blessed with them) and give them a burger or hot-dog, waiting to see if they can tell it’s not meat – soooo much fun! Nine times out of ten I best they can’t tell the difference.

• Keep cats, dogs and other companion animals well away from the BBQ. Frazzled tails and burnt noses will just not do. But I’m sure sneaking them a teeny bit of your burger won’t go amiss.

• I hope this goes without saying, but don’t just stick the barby anywhere anyhow. Avoid under trees and too near bushes – the heat will scare your garden wildlife and crispy branches have never been an in look.

Invitations are gratefully accepted. Check out more recipes from the folks at VegCooking.com

Image: Wannaveg / CC

While everyone knows that chimpanzees and other non-human primates are capable of understanding language, a recent article in Science shows that fish can talk too! At least one species (midshipman) and a close relative (toadfish) can grunt, growl and hum to communicate with one another, with different sounds to show aggression or lure a mate. If you don’t believe me, you can have a listen to the growl , grunt , and hum.

According to US researchers, this shows fish are more similar to us than many folks would suspect. “[T]he sophisticated neural circuitry that midshipman [fish] use to vocalize develops in a similar region of the central nervous system as the circuitry that allows a human to laugh or a frog to croak …”, according to the Marine Biological Laboratory (MBL) in Massachusetts, where research was conducted.

One MBL researcher – the aptly named Dr Bass – believes vocal communication is probably widespread amongst our finned friends. It may even give insight as to how fish have evolved.

Take note that this isn’t an isolated bit of research – a great deal of time has been dedicated to investigating methods of animal communication. Each new study verifies more and more what many of us have suspected for years: humans and other animals aren’t all that different.

Image: wallpaperbase / cc

Well, the Summer holiday is finally here. ‘Yay!’ say the school and college kids. ‘Argh!’ scream the parents as they try to figure out what to do with their offspring for six weeks. There are dozens, even hundreds, of great places to visit and events to take part in, and none of them need to involve the incarceration or humiliation of animals. Yet every year, animal prisons posing as education and entertainment lure in thousands of tourists, and thousands of pounds.

To make it easy for you to figure out where to avoid, we’ve dutifully put together a list of the top ‘Europe’s Cruellest Destinations’, packed with zoos, aquaria, donkey rides, bloodsports and more. Get the lowdown here.

The very idea of meat and milk from cloned animals simply turns my stomach. Questions over animal welfare (not least the fact that the animals are still killed!) and food safety are popping up left, right and centre, and thankfully it’s by EU safety experts – so, listen up Mr Government!

What would in fact be better, is if we switched to a vegetarian and vegan diet. Failing that, in vitro is the way to go. Let’s be honest, raising livestock of any kind is an inefficient and environmentally destructive form of food production and bad all-round for animals. On the other hand, in vitro meat is grown in a lab and doesn’t involve killing a single animal. Until meaty-types can kick the habit, they could chow down on some cruelty-free flesh without impact on animals’ lives. This impact I talk of includes living in dire conditions, transported sometimes thousands of miles and being slaughtered. Nice.

So you tell me: ‘normal’ meat, cloned meat, in vitro meat or vegetarian ‘meat’?

The sun may be coming and going like a yo-yo, but it sure is hot out. Temperatures are creeping up to the thirties, and we’re finally starting to feel safe leaving our scarves at home (it’s July, for goodness sake!).

So it’s time to remind you all about not leaving dogs in hot cars. Tell me, how many times have you walked past a car and seen a dog patiently (or frantically) waiting inside a car for their guardian to return? It may be 25C outside, but cars left in the sun and with all the windows rolled up can reach temperatures of 45C. That’s double the outside temperature, and certainly no safe place for pups.

HelpingAnimals.com has got some great tips on this, and check out X-Factor’s Simon Cowell below on why he hates seeing dogs in hot cars.

The donkey. A humble animal, who in history has helped humankind trudge belongings up mountains, appears in the bible and captures children’s hearts via the adorably dopey Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh tales.

Yet the donkey can also be a vilified creature, as you will read, pushed out of society’s realm of responsibility and consciousness, unless of course there’s a need for them.

There are currently 40 little donkeys in sunny Corfu, Greece who need a little help from kind people like us. This blog doesn’t often run calls for help, but this story really clutched at my heartstrings. In just a few days time, the Corfu Donkey Rescue shelter is to be ‘sealed’ and the forty resident donkeys thrown out on the streets until the sanctuary volunteers can sort out the new premises.

As one volunteer worded it, “The authorities seem to think I can just move the donkeys on to any piece of land offered and they can live happily tied to an olive tree.  But they don’t seem to realise that these are very old, crippled and injured donkeys and five are blind. Many will surely die if I cannot give them the right conditions to live in. This shelter is no Donkey Hilton, but we are able to care for them here.”

If you can spare less than a minute of your cyber-surfing time, add your name to the petition and let’s get these donkeys a bit more time!

Image: Ebaumsworld / CC

My trusty calendar of worldly goings-on tells me that it’s National Fishing Week. Which means seven days of celebrating abuse to fish and anglers coming out in their droves to pose in ridiculous photos to try and prove their manliness. Forgive my scepticism, but what a load of tosh. Real men (and women!) don’t go anywhere near a fishing line and need to kill living, breathing creatures to prove anything. Compassion? Phwoar, now that’s what I go for!

Here’s a quick run-down of why we should not be celebrating National Fishing Week:

1. Fish aren’t swimming vegetables any more than dogs are. They have nervous systems, feel and respond to pain, and even throwing them back into the water after having a hook shoved through their mouths is cruel.

2. Ninety percent of large fish populations have been exterminated in the past 50 years and one report estimates that by 2048 our oceans will have been completely over-fished.

3. When dragged from the murky depths, fish undergo excruciating decompression - the internal pressure ruptures their swimbladders, pops out their eyes and pushes their stomachs through their mouths. When they’re tossed onboard, many slowly suffocate or are crushed to death.

4. Fish’s bodies absorb toxic chemicals from the water around them, and the chemicals become more concentrated as they move their way up the food chain. Big fish eat little fish, who eat littler fish, so you end up with a whole cocktail of nasties on your dinnerplate.

5. Vegan ‘fish-fingers’, ‘fishess steaks’ and vegan ‘scampi’ taste so good, so you don’t need to compromise on compassion to get a similar taste.